December 12, 2013 § Leave a comment
As a kid, I absolutely imagined, no, EXPECTED my mid-twenties to be the shining, the loving, and the adventurous age.
Normally, I would sink into the depressive-angry mood and put on an I’m-so-sad-please-notice-me-and-tell-me-everything-will-be-okay face.
But for some odd reason, this time around, halfway through reminiscing my teen fantasy on adulthood, I felt okay. I felt okay being who I am and where I am today.
My 25th year was okay. More than okay, actually. It is exactly how I envisioned it when I was 16.
I quit my job.
I moved to NY.
I found a job, and quit after a month.
I ended an unhealthy relationship.
I registered for art classes.
I worked as a bartender.
I met really interesting people.
I went on a short road-trip with a boy I barely knew.
I fell in love with the above mentioned stranger. 🙂
I got to go to awesome concerts.
I stayed in Colorado for five amazing days.
You see??? 16 years old braces me, I AM really living the shining, loving, and adventurous life!
How wonderfully crazy is that?
I always seemed to be saying, “I want excitement, happiness, and craziness, and LOVE!”
But it was happening right before my eyes! All along!
I was just too busy focusing on the future and the bigger picture, I didn’t even notice the very things that make up those!
Mind is a such a tricky little bastard. It makes me only see the things I expect to see, and consequently not see the things that are physically and factually present. The scary thing is that my expectations are built from fears, joy, grief, achievements and all sorts of emotions from the past experiences. So basically I’m expecting my past to happen in my future. So how do I embrace now and future as what they are without the filtered perception of my narrow expectations? But the past makes who I am! I’m so perplexed!
I guess all I can do is to treat every encounter as an original experience.
Or maybe I’m just a little paranoid about this process called living.
hahahahhahaha oh my my. Perhaps it’s too late for my brain to think sanely.
Good night everyone!
TL;DL “Woah! If you just open your eyes you can actually see what’s truly going on!!!”
September 23, 2010 § 1 Comment
Felt a sudden urge to express my feelings toward the recent reunion I had with my cello.
Wrote my all time favorite orchestration, “Scheharazade”
It’s an amazing piece with a great tale that goes with it.
Rimsky personally wrote a brief intro himself,
“The Sultan Schariar, convinced that all women are false and faithless, vowed to put to death each of his wives after the first nuptial night. But the Sultana Sheherazade saved her life by entertaining her lord with fascinating tales, told seriatim, for a thousand and one nights. The Sultan, consumed with curiosity, postponed from day to day the execution of his wife, and finally repudiated his bloody vow entirely”
Of course as a Rimsky-Korsakov fan, I must also recommend the Rimsky-Korsakoffee House! It’s a funky lil dessert place worth “experiencing”:
Rimsky-Korsakov is also cool because he taught Stravinsky.
I like him because he’s crazy.
His music is CRAZY.
Check out the Firebird (oh and it’s a ballet btw):
I’m just a smitten disturbed that his first wife was his cousin.
Piano concerto No.2.
Such a powerfully beautiful piece.
Rachmaninoff also married his cousin.. maybe it was a trend back in those days.. or maybe if you marry your cousin you get the gift of composing amazing artwork? hmm
Cello concerto No.1
As a cellist I’m ashamed to say I haven’t mastered that many cello concertos (at all!).
So this I profess! The newest cello concerto I want to master.
I never realized how much I liked the Russian composers. hmm.
Unintended self analysis is always a good surprise. hehe
January 31, 2010 § Leave a comment
According to dictionary.com the word ‘like(v)’ means “to take pleasure in; find agreeable or congenial.”
I took some time to look around to see my “like” things.
Oh boy I hadn’t realized how easy it was to see what I liked.
Let’s just say the consistency of these things either surrounding me or reoccurring in my life was high, really HIGH.
These things deserve a good amount of recognition!
So I decided to dedicate a whole entry to these lovelies.
(Actually, each one deserves an entry to itself. But I’ll save that for later)
In no particular order:
- Coffee♥ :
- Black Coffee:
A recent found habitual drink. Habits are not always bad. It became a habit for me because I found it enjoyable! When you find a cup of dripped coffee that tastes nutty and mellow sometimes luscious with a tint of sweetness at the end-oh my. Such a perfect cup of coffee will (hands down) make my day. ah. A good black coffee should NOT taste burnt, or bitter at all. When it taste like that it’s usually because the coffee’s been sitting brewed for too long (or it might be that the coffee bean had been grounded way before it was brewed.) But really, it’s quite an amazing experience when you encounter a goooooood cup of coffee. My most recent one was at the Allan Bros. Coffee on 24th & Hillyard. Their Phoenix and the Turtle Blend! Ah. I can still vividly remember the first sip of that coffee. ahhhhhhh. loved it. It’s a dark roast the Allan brothers described as, “This poetic blend includes Sumatra’s velvety depth perfectly outlined by Guatemalan and Costa Rican’s nutty and tangy highlights. ” It was truly poetic!
Oh-em-gee. Just typing “cappuccino” got me super excited! hehe. Sometimes when I crave something other than black coffee, I almost always go for the cappuccino. I imagine if cloud were to taste like coffee, it would taste like cappuccino. It is airy, velvety and creamy (not heavy creamy though) and ah- perfect. The only down side to it is that it’s hard to find a cafe that makes a good cappuccino. It shouldn’t have large air bubbles (at all), it should just look airy and fluffy almost like a marshmallow fluff/whipped cream. I guess I love it so much when I land on a “real” cappuccino BECAUSE it’s a hard find. Ah. I want a cup right now. Ah. I go for soy capp. yummmmmm.
- Black Coffee:
- Chocolate♥ :
- Dark Chocolate:
Darker the better. I think 70% is very ideal. But for something more exotic 77% is also highly recommended. Chocolove Chocolate bars have some interesting chocolates! Chilis & Cherries, Orange Peel, Raspberries are really good (and of course, dark chocolate!) 🙂 I want to try their Almonds & Sea salt in Dark Chocolate later. yum.
- Hot chocolate:
The hot chocolate blend Sundance (one oober organic store on 24th & hilllyard) offers is quite superb. Oh gosh. My special someone spoils me with this amazing soy hot chocolate that is luscious and frothy and oh-gosh-so-good-how-can-it-be-this-good once in a while. Ok, maybe much more than once-in-a-while, but I’m nowhere near complaining. At the end of a long day, it’s the best thing to have!
- Dark Chocolate:
- Scones♥ :
- The Fruity, nutty, savory :
Buttery and amazing. Sometimes circular, others triangular. Regardless of their shapes or types, I love them all. Despite the slight discomfort that comes with butter/butter cream/cream, I just can’t stop eating it. I won’t. Ah. A scone with a cup of black coffee – they’re like the best friends or something, truly amazing. 🙂 Univ. of Oregon bakery bakes a goooooood batch of these babies. It saddens me that not many people notices their quality.
- The Fruity, nutty, savory :
- Almond♥ :
- This is a new found item that I’ve been enjoying. I find myself constantly trying all almondy things: both the almond at its pure state as well as the almond flavored things. The aroma of almond extract is, oh-wow, heavenly.
- Bear claw:
I love its flaky pastry and aromatic almond filling inside. Ah. I actually don’t know how they make it. Some say it’s a donut, some say it’s a pastry. Hmm better check it out soon. At a cafe, I almost always go for either scone or a bearclaw. It has all the right components in a pastry. Flaky outside, soft sweet roll-like bready texture, and the not-too-sweet almond paste. I think it’s the perfect way the almond is showcased.
- Cinnamon♥ :
- Cinnamon Roll:
Ok. I lied earlier. When I want a dessert, I’m basically torn between a cinnamon roll, scone, and bear claw. When you pull away every inch of a roll and as you get close to the oober gooey center-OH MY-you know you’re getting to that happy place where nobody can interrupt you or distract you… ah. I personally like it gooey and with not too much icing on it, and no nuts please.
- Cinnamon Roll:
- Purple♥ :
I heard someone say that a typical psycho’s favorite color is purple. I don’t care. I love it. I like it because it’s bold but not too crazy. I’m not too into lavenders, but more into a richer or brighter purple. Rather than purple-everything though, I like one purple signature thing that stands out in a blend of different low-key colors. I particularly like the combination of yellow and purple. I like purple eyeshadows, purple shoes, purple shirts, etc. Surprisingly I don’t have enough of these to show that I really like them. This might be an indication for SHOPPING TIME! OH! my bag is purple/yellow too, and i LOVE it. But back to the point–purple, it’s a rather an attractive color that is mysterious and beautiful!
These things are the stars that shine my dark sky at my night times.
Sure, there are times I drink coffee for the caffeine reasons, but mostly I like having it for its aroma and taste.
And yes, I’m a food-holic, but no (hopefully), I’m not a i-don’t-care-about-my-health person.
I try to balance out my diet. haha I try.
Just thinking about these things made my day!
What are your likes that you take your pleasure in?
January 25, 2010 § Leave a comment
Warning: Unorganized thoughts! I’ll make a better entry later.
This entry is a sole reminder to self that it’s okay to loosen up a bit.
Given that it’s needless to say that life requires planning and a certain level of seriousness, I certainly don’t think that stress needs to accompany every single aspect of life.
This is my belief and I am still in the process of taking this into an action.
Life can be so joyful and lovely.
I just needed to steer my mind in a different direction to see this!
Understanding that life is a process with lots of flexibility and knowing that it’s full of –ing’s, we should constantly challenge ourselves to see more of what this world has to offer.
Join me for the week of –ing’s! 🙂
Note to self:
This week’s motivation: Study to learn, not to pass.
Monday: Finish reading through the ES papers. Think about it. Take a break. Finish Ecology HW. Review Stat Mech.
Tuesday: Meet with ES group. Study Stat Mech.
Wednesday: Write PO!! ES presentation. IWN meeting. Study Stat Mech. Meet with PPPM group, finish abstract for PPPM. Study Stat Mech. Finish Ecology HW.
Thursday: Stat Mech Midterm. PPPM presentation. Start Ecology research.
Friday: Ecology research. Job search.
January 7, 2010 § 1 Comment
Some say I’m shy, others say I’m outgoing.
A pessimist would say I might be two-faced, or bipolar. (Let’s be optimists though. Please?)
I personally like to praise myself as a passionate.
A passionate procrastinator, a passionate disorganized, a passionate eater, a passionate baker, a passionate biochemistry-hater.
I passionately hate biochemistry so much that I am actually studying it (will be done with this shenanigan in about 6 months here at the hate-free/peace-encouraging campus of University of Oregon).
Yes, to put it in a boring way, I’m an about-to-graduate-freaking-out-about-the-job-search-biochemistry-senior-no,not-going-to-medical-school-but-yes,i-am-an-asian girl.
I enjoy the arts a quite a bit.
I am a fan of music in general; I personally like to play instruments more so than to listen to music.
I can play the chords on a guitar (exclusively G, C, D, Em, Bm, A, Am chords though) hahahaha but no, I will not be ashamed of my limited guitar knowledge.
I like to bang on the piano once in a while.
On a serious side, I adore playing the cello.
I like crafty things– making cards, knitting scarves; DIY things generally catch my interest the most.
I like to doodle.
I like to write the unreadables.
I like cooking and baking.
I like reading cook books.
I LOVE reading baking books.
Yes yes I enjoy all aspects of the arts (maybe minus the screamo).
OH and I just realized that it’s 2:30 in the morning and I must get back to the reading on Theoretical Ecology (oOo’s and ah’s)! BAH.
To be continued someday…
December 29, 2009 § Leave a comment
If someone were to ask me, “So Hannah, where are you headed?”
I would say, “Good question, but I have no idea.”
And most people would feel sorry for me for not knowing the clear direction for the future.
But no-no, there’s no need for a sympathy because I’m not sad or upset about my uncertainty in future.
You see, the excitement comes from that uncertainty! no?
You may say that I’m trying to justify myself that it’s okay to be uncertain.
And you may be right.
But I still like to think like a little six-year-old girl with the glistening eyes filled with dreams and hopes wandering about my journey towards the giddy happy life!
I actually do not mind taking this time to learn more about myself-
Self neglect is no good, you know? ;P
I’m no longer looking for answers in the exterior things, and actually am paying a little more attention to myself. hehe
I’m finally exploring myself.
I’m asking questions to myself (and not ignoring them for once.)
I’m finally in love with my imperfections.
(okay, maybe “love” is stretching it. For the lack of better word, let’s say I’m “accepting” my imperfections..)
Realizing that I am a book filled with stories unique to myself, and also learning that everyone else has different stories to tell, I can finally tell myself, “I am different and cannot be same as anyone else and that is completely okay and good!”
But don’t get me wrong. haha I do get sunk back down into the gloomy and dark stages–questioning and wandering about every single aspect of my life and my abilities. Yes yes, it does get cloudy at times.
Once again though, that must be the beauty of life!
Only when cloudy times come around we realize the existence of the sunny days!
So here I am faced with an uncertain, unplanned, and irrational life-
But here I am! also loving, adoring, and accepting this crazily mysterious life!
I invite you to join me in greeting this amazing life as it comes- :]
November 17, 2009 § Leave a comment
it’s just a difference.
it’s not that i’m wrong or you’re right,
we’re just two different people.
i shall not measure you.
i should not judge you.
because you know you the best.
i’m sorry for the one-second-doubt i had in you.
i support you
i respect you
i’m here for you my friend.