December 12, 2013 § Leave a comment
As a kid, I absolutely imagined, no, EXPECTED my mid-twenties to be the shining, the loving, and the adventurous age.
Normally, I would sink into the depressive-angry mood and put on an I’m-so-sad-please-notice-me-and-tell-me-everything-will-be-okay face.
But for some odd reason, this time around, halfway through reminiscing my teen fantasy on adulthood, I felt okay. I felt okay being who I am and where I am today.
My 25th year was okay. More than okay, actually. It is exactly how I envisioned it when I was 16.
I quit my job.
I moved to NY.
I found a job, and quit after a month.
I ended an unhealthy relationship.
I registered for art classes.
I worked as a bartender.
I met really interesting people.
I went on a short road-trip with a boy I barely knew.
I fell in love with the above mentioned stranger. 🙂
I got to go to awesome concerts.
I stayed in Colorado for five amazing days.
You see??? 16 years old braces me, I AM really living the shining, loving, and adventurous life!
How wonderfully crazy is that?
I always seemed to be saying, “I want excitement, happiness, and craziness, and LOVE!”
But it was happening right before my eyes! All along!
I was just too busy focusing on the future and the bigger picture, I didn’t even notice the very things that make up those!
Mind is a such a tricky little bastard. It makes me only see the things I expect to see, and consequently not see the things that are physically and factually present. The scary thing is that my expectations are built from fears, joy, grief, achievements and all sorts of emotions from the past experiences. So basically I’m expecting my past to happen in my future. So how do I embrace now and future as what they are without the filtered perception of my narrow expectations? But the past makes who I am! I’m so perplexed!
I guess all I can do is to treat every encounter as an original experience.
Or maybe I’m just a little paranoid about this process called living.
hahahahhahaha oh my my. Perhaps it’s too late for my brain to think sanely.
Good night everyone!
TL;DL “Woah! If you just open your eyes you can actually see what’s truly going on!!!”
March 5, 2013 § Leave a comment
This girl, at 16, is sweet, beautiful, and talented.
She knows what she likes, and she knows what she doesn’t like.
She is easily inspired, easily encouraged, and eagerly hopeful.
She is wonderfully naive as only a child can be.
She’s able to see this world more clearly than I ever could.
Her thoughts are more mature and genuine than mine ever will be.
I told her, “You have a bright future. Explore and you WILL find something amazing.”
She replied, “I’m not so young any more. I don’t have the time to explore. By now, I should just focus on one thing and develop my skills in that ONE thing. Besides, I can’t chase after something that’s unreal…”
I heart sank right about then.
She is SO young.
She is younger than she thinks, more talented than she knows, and have more opportunities than she thinks are out there.
She is so young.
I can’t remember if that’s how I felt when I was 16.
I think I did.
I think, I thought, my time was running out.
Here I am, nearly 10 years later, saying the exact thing to myself over and over again.
I better start believing.
That we are young;
That we are braver than we believe, stronger than we see, and smarter than we think.
So, I can do this.
I will explore and I will find something amazing.
Because I’m young.
January 14, 2013 § Leave a comment
I would listen more carefully to what my heart says
I would enjoy more, worry less
I would know that school would end soon enough,
and work would… well, never mind
I wouldn’t worry so much about what other people were thinking
I would appreciate all my vitality and tight skin
I would play more, fret less
I would know that my beauty/handsome-ness is in my love of life
I would know how much my parents love me and
I would believe that they are doing the best they can
I would enjoy the feeling of “being in love” and
not worry so much about how it works out
I would know that it probably won’t but
that something better will come along
I wouldn’t be afraid of acting like a kid
I would be braver
I would look for the good qualities in everyone and
enjoy them for those
I would not hang out with people just because
I would take dance lessons
I would enjoy my body just the way it is
I would trust my girl friends
I would be a trustworthy girlfriend
I wouldn’t trust my boyfriends (just kidding)
I would enjoy kissing. Really enjoy it.
I would be more appreciative and grateful for sure.