I want candy.

December 12, 2013 § Leave a comment


As a kid, I absolutely imagined, no, EXPECTED my mid-twenties to be the shining, the loving, and the adventurous age.
Normally, I would sink into the depressive-angry mood and put on an I’m-so-sad-please-notice-me-and-tell-me-everything-will-be-okay face.
But for some odd reason, this time around, halfway through reminiscing my teen fantasy on adulthood, I felt okay.  I felt okay being who I am and where I am today.

My 25th year was okay.  More than okay, actually.  It is exactly how I envisioned it when I was 16.

Let’s see:

I quit my job.
I moved to NY.
I found a job, and quit after a month.
I ended an unhealthy relationship.
I registered for art classes.
I worked as a bartender.
I met really interesting people.
I went on a short road-trip with a boy I barely knew.
I fell in love with the above mentioned stranger. 🙂
I got to go to awesome concerts.
I stayed in Colorado for five amazing days.

You see??? 16 years old braces me, I AM really living the shining, loving, and adventurous life!
How wonderfully crazy is that?
I always seemed to be saying, “I want excitement, happiness, and craziness, and LOVE!”
But it was happening right before my eyes! All along!
I was just too busy focusing on the future and the bigger picture, I didn’t even notice the very things that make up those!

Mind is a such a tricky little bastard.  It makes me only see the things I expect to see, and consequently not see the things that are physically and factually present.  The scary thing is that my expectations are built from fears, joy, grief, achievements and all sorts of emotions from the past experiences.  So basically I’m expecting my past to happen in my future.  So how do I embrace now and future as what they are without the filtered perception of my narrow expectations?  But the past makes who I am!  I’m so perplexed!

I guess all I can do is to treat every encounter as an original experience.

Or maybe I’m just a little paranoid about this process called living.

hahahahhahaha oh my my.  Perhaps it’s too late for my brain to think sanely.

Good night everyone!

TL;DL  “Woah! If you just open your eyes you can actually see what’s truly going on!!!”


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