November 18, 2010 § Leave a comment
My blog, this blog, definitely has no pattern or a specific topic of discussion as I initially intended it to have.
I wanted it to be all the sweet things in my life (mainly baking and music) but no. I’m officially making it my diary. It’ll be all about my random rants and crazies along with the occasional sweet perspectives.
Bitter, do I sound?
I am frustrated because I was lying in the bed for two hours trying to sleep. Not once was I even close to feeling sleepy!!
I only had two, mere TWO 12-oz cups of coffee.
I love it when caffeine decides to kick in when I absolutely don’t care for it, at all.
So, here I am, sitting in the middle of my bed in complete absence of light, pounding on my wee little pink netbook keyboard, obsessing over the possible relationship between the two cups of coffee and sleep.
Maybe it’s not the undesirable relationship between coffee and sleep, maybe it’s just the simple fact that I have too much crap in my mind.
I might as well just get it out.
1. I have a problem with phone calls. I get slight anxiety from phone calls. I don’t know why. I hate talking on the phone. I’m very awkward over the phone. I don’t know why. I don’t really like texting that much either. But don’t get me wrong, I love having good conversations with people, I just don’t like it over the phone. Oh and I hate voicemails also. I rarely check it. I like to use my phone only as a watch, a calendar and an alarm, but that’s about it. My mom thinks I have phone issues–I agree. I’m sure this goes way deeper into psychology of my childhood memories which I don’t seem to remember much of. I want to get over it, but I just don’t know how.
2. I stopped learning. I thought I’d be happy once I was done with school. But it really saddens and scares me at the same time to feel that I’m wasting my brain’s ability. It sounds wrong to “stop” learning. I feel like I’m getting dumber as the days pass by. So I went to Barnes & Noble today. Hahaha As if going to the bookstore would bring me the genius of this world. I felt less nervous about my intelligence at least. Bookstores always empower me in such an ambiguous way, they give me a jolt of energy to always want to pursue for more! Don’t you ever wonder, “I’m fit to do something greater than this…”? I always forget that it’s up to me to direct my life. I must pursue for more.
3. I need a closure. I’m a creature of bad habits when it comes to relationships. I don’t think I’ve ever had a good closure with all the relationships that ended bad. Like a little coward, I always made up excuses to avoid having to talk to them in person (friends, mentors, aunt, cousin… etc). Well. Look what’s happening now. They came to haunt me on a night that I need to sleep the most. What should I do, contact all of them and have very very awkward phone conversations with lots of ugly pauses while having slight anxiety attacks because I hate phone conversations to begin with? :[ Tricky situation, I’d say.
I think the pressure is somewhat gone down now that I’ve ranted about my thoughts. Sadly, I’m still wide awake, more awake that I was 20 minutes ago. Boo caffeine, boo!