22 years of immaturity

February 23, 2010 § Leave a comment

Being 22, I thought I was mature enough
in making small and big decisions in life,
to judge the right from wrong,
and to assume the best.
But no.
I was far too conceited.
I was too confident in my prideful experience of 22 years, mere 22 years of good ol’ life that I thought was harsh and extraordinary.
I thought I had gone through enough crap that nobody would’ve imagined and experienced.
Having recovered and learned from these experiences,
I thought I was this big shit that was all wise and wonderful.
Full of shit, I’d say.
Excuse my language, but really, I cannot find any other way to say it.
Who did I even think I was to even put myself in a position superior to others whom are far wiser that I?
Though I have a right to have an opinion, but I do not deserve to judge any others by what they say, what they wear, and what they represent.
I’m far too close minded.
I don’t hear people well, at all.
I’m blind to your beautiful insights, and I am deaf to your wise criticism.
My family and beloved friends were right–I’m too close minded.

I always act to promote the “right” or “justice” but really, I always act to promote what I BELIEVE is right.

I’m sick of finding myself going back to this old habit again and again.

I’m sick of this fakeness.

Now here I am, randomly, spontaneously, at 2:37 in the morning, once again making a promise to myself to be completely honest and pure and to perceive things just as what they are. Also swearing upon a pinky promise that I will make decisions that will not hurt myself nor my beloved ones…

Spontaneously, randomly, on an emotion-filled night…
Love, Hannah

20 minute break

February 12, 2010 § Leave a comment

A packet of peanut m&m’s can reduce the stress level quite significantly.

I don’t know why, but I’ve been stressing out a LOT lately.

nevermind.

that was a lie.

i DO know why.

Reasons:

-I don’t know how to plan my future after graduation, so in this area, i’m pretty much freaking out.
-I don’t understand nearly half (more like 80%) of what Dr. Cina talks about.  And this really might jeopardize my graduation schedule. like.. REALLY.
-I’m working but not saving.  This has a high potential to become a huge problem.
-I’m slacking with my other school work / ISA work.  Nothing is being done, really. bah.
-ISA… I love it, but it’s definitely worn me out at times.

Bottom line:
the uncertainty is killing me.

The uncertainty of my capability, my future, and my present.

I don’t know how to deal with my stress.
I don’t think it’ll be healthy to consult with mr. peanut m&m’s every second of my life as more and more stress gets pounded upon each other…

really, truly,

how do you deal with your stress.

ah. mr. peanut m&m. you’re my temporary hero to the rescue, and i’m truly scared of losing your comfort and security.

Where Am I?

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